Men and women have different sexual desires. And this leads to sexual conflicts. Conflicts, which can create problems in relationships. But why? Evolutionary psychology uses the theory of sexual selection to explain these conflicts. My guest today, David Buss, will lay out six sexual conflicts that typically occur between men and women due to our evolutionary traits; why men sometimes mistake a smile for a sexual signal, why women tend to file for more divorces or why men statistically cheat more than women. David Buss often appears among the top 50 most influential psychologists ever to live due to his research on the evolutionary psychology of human mating strategies, conflicts between sexes and the evolution of jealousy, to name a few. Listen along to hear how we can use this knowledge to engage in a healthier conversation between partners. Talking about sexual selection and the differences between sexes can be a difficult subject today. Nevertheless, it is important to verbalize these differences to get a better understanding of the underlying drivers in human psychology. These are my key takeaways from my conversation with David. Darwin's theory of natural selection is pretty well known, but his other theory about sexual selection is probably more important. It explains why there are differences between men and women and why we have emotions such as jealousy and desire. This is important to know because we have evolved over millions of years, and this is one of those things which is hard to change. David has identified six sexual conflicts between men and women. They range from sexual variety, sexual over-perception bias, what we lie about, infidelity and so on. And because of these conflicts, men do bad things to women, and women do bad things to men. But the really bad things are statistically almost always done by men: sexual harassment, sexual assault, stalking, rape. We need to change that. David said that the single most important decision we can make is the selection of our long-term mating partner. And if you are in a relationship, understand that we have, so to speak, built-in sexual conflicts due to evolutionary pressures. Men desire more sexual partners than women do. We need to understand these differences in order to change them. When Men Behave Badly by David Buss. The Evolution of Desire by David Buss. I love feedback. Whatever you have on your mind, I want to hear it. If you want to know more about change and how to make a change stick, you can subscribe to our podcast on iTunesSpotifyGoogle or Stitcher or read more on our website: www. Hello, and welcome to What Monkeys Do. My name is Morten Kamp Andersen. And this is a podcast about what it takes to make a change and make it stick. So this podcast is about change, and it's called What Monkeys Do. And the name reflects that a lot of our psychology is best understood by understanding how we as a species has evolved over millions of years. There are things that we cannot change, or at least are harder for us to change. And only by understanding what we can and what we cannot change, can we select the best strategies to make a change. The area within psychology, which focus on this is called evolutionary psychology. I remember when I was hooked on evolutionary psychology, it was when I was a psychology student, my professor in personality psychology was replicating a very famous study, he used a couple of students to ask strangers three questions. The female students were asked to go up to random men in the street and ask them three questions: A, would they consider can sex on the first date lead to a relationship on a date with her? B: Would they consider to go home to her flat and C:, would they consider having sex with her? The male students were asked where to ask random female in the streets the same questions. Now, it probably comes to no surprise to you the listener that there were significant differences in the replies from the men and the women. My guest today can explain why we found such a big difference. He is a professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. He is a true rockstar in psychology, he often appears on top 50 lists of most influential psychologists ever to live.
Absolutely, that's, that's my number one recommendation, you know, cut off the, you know, the internet communication, you have to meet someone. You've probably been asked this many times before as well, to have you have you got any advice for for for relationships with this knowledge? The best gifts for husbands that go beyond a simple bottle of booze. So just a quick analogy would be people have a desire for foods that are rich in sugar, fat, salt, and protein. And the reason I call it the most widespread world human rights violation is for a couple of reasons.
How cuddling can help make a relationship better
This week Lena and I discuss: Janice's top pre-first date tip for. It's Sex and the Solo Girl time! Every day in my work, I hear from people in relationships who want to be having s*x but just aren't. How to follow up after a good first date, advice on what to do and why you need to resist the urge to sext. And that means a lot of great girl talk. In the not-so-distant future, a first date might involve getting coffee with a potential mate halfway across the world-ish. If it happens at all, it's infrequent and. Get ready for VR (Virtual Romance).In a state of anxiety, they end up believing that if they somehow bring back the lost passion between the sheets, their relationship too would magically heal. Yes, they do. Follow us. The area within psychology, which focus on this is called evolutionary psychology. David Buss Right, right. The female students were asked to go up to random men in the street and ask them three questions: A, would they consider going on a date with her? David Buss In the literature, the two terms are often used interchangeably. Well, the the the psychological Aftermath for women who are victims of sexual violence is horrible. One is the sheer number of women who are victims. But on the flip side, great benefits to making a good mate choice for the sex is not investing very much good and bad matrices don't matter so much rather, it is access to the valuable member to the to the valuable other steps that is the limiting factor for reproductive success. And that's, that's perfectly fine. I really enjoyed this. Yes, evolutionary psychology is simply psychology, looked at through the lens is the evolutionary theory. Bleiben Sie auf dem Laufenden Verpassen Sie keine Artikel über unsere Expertise, Projekte und andere Themen und abonnieren Sie jetzt unseren Newsletter. I think there are analogs in European countries and Americans use this crude 10 point scale, where the person's at 10, if they're paying a value, or an eight, or a six, or a two or a one, the problem is that if a person is assessed in mate value, and they're attracted to in a, while the eights not going to be attracted to them, or if the six manages to convince the eight that they're an eight, temporarily, the eight is more likely to cheat on the six, and the eight is more likely to dump the six to leave that relationship. Our take on the food, clothes and experiences you could be buying for your hubby on your next anniversary. Morten Andersen So that was three of the six sexual conflicts. Obviously, this is not a trivial matter, this is a huge problem. So I think it's very important that women know this knowledge. But why? And then some people have argued that there's no such thing as biological sex itself, which, of course, is an absurd perspective from I mean, we know that there were two sexes sexual reproduction evolved approximately 1. So men simply are looking for more sexual partners over a lifetime, then, then a women woman is David Buss yes, ideally. There aren't. So men who are high on the personality trait of narcissism, tend to think they're hotter than they are, they think they're hot, but they're not. Tinder tips for the best openers and winning bios. This is important to know because we have evolved over millions of years, and this is one of those things which is hard to change. One is male competition. One of the biggest advantages of non-sexual intimacies, like cuddling or a peck on the cheek, is that it allows a person to put down his guard and be more emotionally open. So, it would be a good idea to not carry your laptop or mobile phone to your cuddle couch.
